People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hippo gnu deer
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
