Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
