just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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