dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
