also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My pussy is not your playground.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina is very pro this idea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
