If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
