WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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