the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
