So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
