At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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