dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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