There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
