i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
