my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
