I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
