Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
