he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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