$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
