I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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