Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
