plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
