Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
