You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
