We're facebook friends in real life
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
