we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
