Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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