He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
