nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
