"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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