YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
