Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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