glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
