They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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