I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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