I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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