Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
