I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
