i don't like sucking hair
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
