I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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