I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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