If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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