i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
