I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
