I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
