Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
