When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
