I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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