i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
