YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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