I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
