God, you're like boner-b-gone
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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