he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
