Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
