I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
