On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
