everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
