Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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