Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
